Monday, March 4, 2013

A Day of Joy

I don't know about all of you, but I have days when I feel so down, I don't think I can function and then I have days that are so filled with joy, I can hardly speak. I have had a couple of those types of days last week, and I want to share them with you! (And no, I'm not bipolar!).

A few days ago, (not really sure of what day it was), I had the down day.  I felt so defeated that day and just didn't think I would be able to function at all.  That day I felt like I would never be able to accomplish anything, my memory was so horribly bad that day which made me start telling myself how worthless I was, and, I don't know if I told you this or not, but I have spine issues due to degenerative disk disease and that was flared up as well.  What did I do that day?  I began self-bashing, which you might have detected above, then I stopped myself, and began to talk out loud, cry and yell, to the Lord about what I was feeling.  He already knows what's in my thoughts anyway, so I figured I might as well say it out loud!  I told him, beginning at age three, how my life had been struggle after struggle after struggle after struggle.  I told him how it feels to have to go through these struggles over and over again and how it makes me feel like I don't even matter in the big scheme of things because I have never found relief from these struggles.  My thoughts and my talking went through my entire life of struggles, negatives, people who were just plain nasty to me and then moved to all my failures.

I don't know why, but on my worst days, so many times, I bury myself in my misery and my thoughts turn to all I'm not able to do.  Most of those days, I don't think of talking (some call it praying) to the Lord about it!  How silly of me! haha!  But this day, I just started and about 4 hours later, I was done venting.  Then I apologized to the Lord for my anger, my doubt and my fears and let him know that I have every confidence that all things in my life, whether good or bad, come from him and are part of his divine plan WHICH in the end will always work out to the good in my life because I love the Lord.

Sunday morning, I woke up sicker than a dog!  I had a cold/flu that was way to bad to even attempt going to church.  Of course, being a human, the first thought that came into my head was, "really?  I prayed to you and this is how it turns out?"  Then I silenced those thoughts and again apologized for my doubts.  My husband came into the kitchen and couldn't hear my voice (because I had no voice due to the flu) and said, "Well, looks like its Ed Young day today!"  Ed Young is a preacher on Daystar at 11am central time who has a great sense of humor! :)  Love listening to him.  

So, my hubby turned on Daystar on our ROKU system (we dumped cable and satellite and got this) and soon, messages from God, directly to me, began to pour out of that TV!  All of them were on fear and doubt.  I felt like the Lord was speaking directly to me because the words coming out of the four preachers (A man with the last name of Morris...can't remember what show or his first name, sorry, then Dr. Charles Stanley, then Dr. Stanley's son Andy Stanley and then Ed Young,) spoke on sentences that were directly out of my yelling session with the Lord! I could not believe what I was hearing!  They spoke on fear and doubt which was exactly what I was going through, fearing I would never measure up to what God expected of me and doubt that the Lord even cared about me or anything I do.

Later, I went to read a book I'm reading so I can teach a Bible study on prayer and guess what, the same thing happened!  The words I was reading had to do with doubting the Lord when we pray and being based in fear.  I was dumb-founded!  But God's message was coming through loud and clear!  He loves me so much that he didn't strike me down with lightning for getting upset and venting, he instead spoke to me through ministries he has set in motion, to let me know he heard me, he understands, he loves me and here's how to proceed!  Now I don't know if you get this or not, but God knew far head of time that I would have this series of bad days and what I would say to him, so that he could work in those preachers to gear them toward the exact words I spoke to him in my prayer!  I don't know if that blows your mind, but it surely blows mine!

Then, today, I was all over the place because I didn't follow my own advice and write a list today! (naughty me!)  So I was in the attic, I was digging through projects I want to do, I was getting roller bags to put different types of art supplies in so it would be easier to transport them from the storage room to the kitchen where my art desk is, then it was time for lunch.  I always try to look for a Joyce Meyers recording or a Beth Moore thing online to listen to during lunch to revive my spiritual sense and guess what today's message was on when I got to Joyce Meyers' website!  It was  "Fear and Doubt - Part 1."  Yup!  If I listen, God speaks.  If I'm stubborn and don't listen, I don't hear him! hahaha!

My amazement of God hearing me and speaking to me brought my thoughts out of the negatives and into songs  that started to flow through my head from the past from when I was a traveling singer.  I began to sing these songs over and over and over again.  My cats came up and sang with me or rubbed against me meowing.  I was then so filled with joy I thought I might burst and felt I couldn't even speak of the incredible joy I felt.  What I saw in these messages and the music that came to mind was that the Lord loves me so much that he listened and then responded.  I know, many will say it was coincidence, but I know it wasn't because this type of thing happens to me a lot!

So, today, are you feeling down?  Are you feeling unloved, worthless, like you don't matter?  There is a God who loves you and he knows your pain, your limitations and your sadness! He knows your insecurities and how you hide things with emotions so others can't see your insecurities.  Let him know how you're feeling and then over the next few days, pay attention to the things that come your way, because he will speak to you through them!  It doesn't matter how severe your issues are, he's got your back!  He will turn things around to good!  You  might have to wait a while to see that, maybe years, but you will see!

I know this is out of my norm of writing, but it was part of the spiritual nurturing I talked of in another blog and thought I'd let you know how sometimes, things just aren't so great, but I still get through them with the Big One up there, who hears me when I'm troubled and then helps me out with those troubles!  :)

Have an awesome rest of the day!
LuAnn Marie

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